Rihanna (ft. Chris Brown) “Birthday Cake (Remix)” Single Review

March 5, 2012 in Music, Singles RealViews

In my review of Rihanna’s Talk That Talk album, I despised “Birthday Cake’s” existence. It was an all-too-brief and prematurely ended track that wasted potential and space on an album, being a greatly confusing filler track that fools you into thinking that it was a full track and if you were like me, you were wondering if the file was corrupted. Now, Rihanna’s latest single sees her actually turning the barely-over-a-minute song into a full-fledged club stomper that ultimately satisfies. The initial siren-like synths can be overbearing and annoying but that’s soon pushed to the side by Rihanna’s alluring vocals and some nifty digital tom-toms. The bass drum comes in nice and heavy and help alleviate the irritation you might get from the endless loop of the word “cake”. Chris Brown mixes things up with a pleasantly non-auto-tuned vocal, adding some variety to the existing raunchiness. Still, it’s a little odd they’re collaborating, giving their history, so you’ll be excused for thinking of that joke when he says “give it to her in the worst way”.

Report Card
Instruments: 75
Production: 89
Lyrics: 50
Vocals: 70
Overall
76

Evanescence “What You Want” Single Review

August 31, 2011 in Music, Singles RealViews

2006. Popular rock band Evanescence hasn’t been on the scene since two-thousand-and-fucking-six. Since then, they’ve gone through numerous band member changes which must’ve definitely have taken a toll in their long-awaited return. At least lead singer Amy Lee is still running the show seeing as how she’s synonymous with the band’s name. In 2006, “Call Me When You’re Sober” was a top 10 hit on Billboard’s Hot 100, so can “What You Want” recapture their former glory, or has five years proven too long a wait for the masses?

Turns out five years equals one year in the Evanescence calendar because they sound a hell of a lot like the opposite of changing one’s sound. For those that were dedicated and absolutely loved the way Evanescence sounded, then this dildo has been custom-molded for your ass and your ass only because I wasn’t able to garner much pleasure from “What You Want”. Hell, the beat sounds like it came off of Disturbed’s “The Sickness” album from 2000. Drums mixed with electronic drum elements, one of Evanescence’s staples, is still evident here. And the guitars? They chug the stereotypical chug and it’s — zzzzzzzzzzz.

The most criminal thing about the song is how not catchy the chorus is. Don’t sit there and tell me you never sang along to “Bring Me to Life” back in the day. Even if you hated that song, there’s no denying the chorus had a great melody to it. “What You Want” has a chorus that I forget unless I actually listen to it. Unfortunately, this has almost completely waned off any anticipation and curiosity I had for their upcoming album set to release on October 4th of this year. Skip this track.

Report Card

Instruments: 65
Production: 88
Lyrics: 78
Vocals: 80

Overall

68


LMFAO “Party Rock Anthem” Single Review

August 6, 2011 in Music, Singles RealViews

LMFAO has always been a presence in the club scene as of late. Hits such as “I’m in Miami, Bitch” and “Shots” should definitely ring a bell for frequent club-goers. Their latest hit single, “Party Rock Anthem”, is easily their best song to date. That might not be saying that much but don’t let that detract from how, pardon the pun, anthemic the main hook is.

Sure , the vocal melody is predictable, but it’s the beat that puts this song on the top-shelf of bass-thumping glory. The main synth-riff is an absolute head-banger. The random female guest appearance by Lauren Benett is completely pointless and, while it does try to provide some variety for an ultimately repetitive song, it just comes off as pointless. I can see how “Party Rock Anthem” could potentially annoy some (especially when the main riff takes on a higher pitch), but I’m willing to bet there’s more lovers than haters for LMFAO’s latest crack-induced beat. Sometimes a simple, effective and fun song is more than enough.

Report Card

Instruments: 90
Production: 100
Lyrics: 63
Vocals: 70

Overall

90


Coldplay “Christmas Lights” Single Review

December 11, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

It’s Christmas time and Coldplay has heard my prayers and released a single to sate my appetite until the unknown release of their next album. The song Christmas Lights opens up with Chris Martin’s beautiful piano playing, and he starts singing. It’s Coldplay. You can’t ever go wrong with Coldplay. The lyrics is typical Coldplay, no real hard point you can gather, it’ll mean different things for different people, and that’s one of the great things about Coldplay’s song and naturally Chris Martins affinity for lyrics. The song is great, the whole band takes part, its catchy, its melodic, its Christmas, its Coldplay.

To me this song goes along with Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer it’s that good. Sure you could claim, that i have a massive affection for Coldplay. And you’d be right, but i’d be the first to say a song isn’t good if it was. But this song is just great. And i seriously can’t wait for their album to come out. I pray for a pre-Christmas launch, but i doubt it. Either way, i know they are still at the top of their game, and are getting better.

Report Card

Instruments: 96
Production: 96
Lyrics: 93
Vocals: 95

Overall

96

Chris Brown & Tyga’s “Deuces” Single Review

May 14, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

Lately, I’ve been listening to Chris Brown and Tyga drop some new stuff from their mixtape (Fan of a Fan, which drops this Monday – be on the lookout for that review next week) and I’m quiet satisfied with what I’ve heard. The track “Deuces” is my favorite of what they’ve released (or leaked).

It’s a breakup song and who better than Chris Brown to shine in this track. His vocals complement the beat superbly and the way he sings “You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her” makes you want to put it on repeat. If you don’t know already, I’m a die-hard Tyga fan. I believe he knows what he’s doing and he hasn’t disappointed yet. His part enriches the song even more. Lastly, another guy was featured in this song, Kevin McCall. I’ve never heard of him before but I think he is an essential part to this track. His flow is nice and I love how he plays with his words. This is going to be a hit, I can feel it already.

Report Card

Instruments: 88

Production: 93

Lyrics: 95

Vocals: 94

Overall

95

“Look, my shorty always on some bullshit like Chicago

So I flip that middle finger and the index finger follow”

Lady Antebellum “Need You Now” Single Review

April 28, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

Now the rest of the staff will probably be just as surprised as me that I actually enjoy this song by this relatively new country group.  To be honest I was waiting for someone to review it first, but seeing as I’m writing the review now, I suppose that’s I’ll be the one to do so.

Lady Antebellum really pulls a great song together with this one. From the moment the piano starts, it drags you into a whole other world, probably one that you’ve never been to before and wouldn’t mind to stay for a while. The duet by the two lead singers, Charles Kelley and Hilary Scott, combine to produce an awesome and smooth production. The fact that many people can actually relate to the lyrics themselves speaks to its emotional appeal. The beat to this song stays true to the country formula, slow and steady, and picks up ever so slightly during the chorus with noticeable high guitar sections.

Unfortunately,  I feel this song hasn’t received the attention it deserves.  There are currently two different versions of the song, a more fast paced upbeat version, which is no where to be found outside of the radio world, and of course, the original which is more country. The album has been released since January so if you like this song, Lady Antebellum FTW!

Report Card

Instruments: 80
Production: 85
Lyrics: 95
Vocals: 95

Overall

89

She & Him “In The Sun” Single Review

March 14, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

Lemme start this off by saying: Zooey Deschanel, I love you. M. Ward, I wish I could be half, just half, as cool as you.

Alright, now that we have that out of the way, it’s time to review their new single, In The Sun. I will type as I react.

Piano is nice, I like the catchy beat. Simple drums, easygoing. OMG ZOOEY! Well, it sounds like a cheap, stripped down Camera Obscura. Hmm. Okay, let’s continue. Nice parallelism in the lyrics, however they seem to be cheap rhymes and a sad attempt at teenage simplicity. Between the genius of M. Ward and Zooey, I would think the lyrics to be much more clever, to be much more upbeat. Okay, bridge. Buildup, drum fill…same thing? This is getting kind of repetitive. It sounds like the guitar is trying to break out. I feel like I’m stuck in an underdeveloped cross between the Cure and Camera Obscura now. Hmm. And it’s over.

Okay, I’m not going to say I hated the song, but there is a little more I disliked than I enjoyed. Most prominently, it seriously sounded like I was listening to a pre-string section, underdeveloped Camera Obscura demo of sorts. While that might not be bad, whenever I think of Twee, I expect to be swept away in drama in a musical tidal wave of depression with an upbeat melody and great voice. She & Him seem to have the upbeat melody and the basic, cutesy lyrics to make it happen, but I’m really just not feeling the simplicity of their sound. While a lot of people crave that folksy, diy sound, it just doesn’t sound right with this song. Don’t get me wrong, I love bands like Good Old War, Noah and the Whale, Planet Earth, and the like, but this just doesn’t do it for me.

All in all, listening to this single was like eating a stick of celery. While I don’t mind it, it doesn’t do anything for me. There is better.

REPORT CARD

Instruments: 93

Production: 84

Lyrics: 65

Vocals: 80

OVERALL

72

Gabriella Cilmi “On A Mission” Single Review

March 12, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

Ever since I heard this sultry Australian’s lead single, “Sweet About Me”, I knew that she was someone I wanted to follow. Her follow-up single, “Save the Lies”, was a fantastic piece of pop and pretty much made me a Gabriella fan. Now that she’s 18 (it’s a little weird knowing I’m older than her), it was only a matter of time she made a coming-of-age song and, despite being released in 2010, the song has a decidedly 80′s feel to it. Hell, the pre-chorus channels Sister Sledge and, on the bridge, Gabriella sounds like one of those chanting cheerleaders on The Offspring’s “Pretty Fly for a White Guy”.

Everything from the synth and bass line has that ’80′s cheese factor. The vocals are whatever and the lyrics are as generic as “I am now a woman” songs can get. It’s a disappointing pick for the lead single of her sophomore album. Hopefully, she gets back on track with the next one.

REPORT CARD

Instruments: 39
Production: 62
Lyrics: 40
Vocals: 70

OVERALL

47

Terrible Tuesday I- “Baby” Justin Beiber ft. Ludacris

March 9, 2010 in Singles RealViews, Thoughts

Terrible Tuesday:

Everything you never need to check out, because it sucks. I’m taking the hit for the team.

Alright let’s start with the facts: Justin Bieber is 16 years of age, Canadian, and has just recently released a single titled, very cleverly, “Baby,” featuring Ludacris.

This track is a recycled pop song that I swear I heard back in the 90′s.  The beat is incredibly simple, with nothing redeeming about it. At least Lil’ Wayne has decent beats to back up his bullshit. Just saying.

And Ludacris? Really? Where the fuck has that guy been? I haven’t heard anything from him since that shitty track from Fast and Furious, or whatever.

What has this world come too? The kid repeats the same fucking phrase seven goddamn times a chorus. And for the record, there are nine sections, not including Ludacris’ part. Out of those nine sections, only four include him singing/saying SHIT. THAT’S THE SAME PHRASE 35 TIMES! As soon as this kid’s balls drop, his agent is gonna kill himself. As soon as his balls drop, I’m throwing a party, because maybe we won’t be subject to this UTTER SHIT.

I really wish I could say this track had any redeeming quality, such as musicianship, clever lyrics, a sexy girl voice in the background, anything, but nothing can save it. I don’t enjoy hating on kids younger than me, but this is what is ruining the music industry. I wasn’t too worried with the Amy Winehouses and Lady Gagas of the world, because at least they were doing something interesting. This kid is attempting to revive the N*SYNC/Backstreet Boys era. We can only hope the world of 14 year old girls goes back to reading Twilight because even that is a step up from Justin Bieber.

If I could grade lower, I would. They need to create an entirely new system for this single.

REPORT CARD

Instruments: 50

Production: 50

Lyrics: 50

Vocals: 50

OVERALL

40

Linkin Park “Not Alone” Single Review

March 3, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

Linkin Park’s latest song, “Not Alone”, is not something you expect the LP boys to churn out yet it feels right. Chester gives a calm and soothing vocal performance (sorry, scream-addicts – no anger here) over a sample-heavy song that puts Mr. Hahn and Mike Shinoda in the spotlight with some interesting samples and light scratching. The drumming is akin to Fort Minor and is more hip-hop oriented. There are no roaring guitars but trust me, it’s still worth checking out.

The song’s highlight is its melody. The verses are well-crafted and the chorus infectious. “Not Alone” is dedicated to the Haiti earthquake and was posted up as a free download. I personally love the song, but I know this song has its haters. “What the fuck, Linkin Park? Where’s the screaming?” I hear this complaint pretty much all the time whenever I talk about “Not Alone” and, yes, it is another departure from the signature Linkin Park formula but isn’t that what we want? What fun is a band that makes the same stuff for years on end (Nickelback, I am so looking at you)?

REPORT CARD

Instruments: 68
Production: 90
Lyrics: 80
Vocals: 92

OVERALL
77