COMIC REVIEW: The Infinite Vacation, Issue 1

August 14, 2011 in Random

While the rest of the staff is off reviewing proper entertainment, like movies and music, I’m going to continue providing reviews of things that most would overlook. Namely, comics. They’re one of the only things I’ve give a shit about, so whatever.

So, I went to the comic shop the other day with no intention of buying comics. The cute girl working there, however, had other plans for me. She suggested three comics, and one of them was The Infinite Vacation. Now, I’m not usually a huge Image fan, but after they sold out of all the 1st issue printings, I decided it was a sound buy.

Nick Spencer and Christian Ward have created an incredible universe where with just a phone app, you can jump into another life. But, this isn’t just anyone’s life, it’s your own in an alternate universe. With the idea that there are infinite parallel universes comes the idea that you have an infinite amount of possible decisions. And, if there are an infinite number of possibilities, there are an infinite amount of “yous” that have made different decisions than what you have. The other “yous” put these lives up for sale on this app for you to jump to, and for a nominal fee, you can. Mark, our main character, describes this all to us, and it provides a rich world for this comic to develop in. On top of this, the art is phenomenal. Done in a style very akin to watercolors, Christian Ward provides a world of color and interesting page layouts that flow very well.

Overall, if you like comics that are weird, colorful, and have a huge potential for an amazing run, pick this one up.

________________

Art: A+

Story: A

Layout: A

Overall: A+

COMIC REVIEW! Flashpoint 1

August 7, 2011 in Thoughts

Since I got a comics tab, god forbid I waste it, so, here’s a review for the main arc of Flashpoint by DC Comics, issues 1. I’ll steadily post 2, 3, and 4 as the time comes for 5 to drop, because I figured I’d give you guys time to read reviews, contemplate picking them up and reading them before the finale comes out and I ruin it. Because god knows I’m reviewing the fuck out of that shit.

From L to R: Aquaman, Cyborg, Batman, Wonder Woman.

 

FLASHPOINT 1

If this is the first time you’ve been introduced to the Flash, then you are in luck. Included is a simple backstory as told by an (yet) unnamed narrator. The issue begins with that small couple page intro, and then lands Barry directly into the middle of the new alternate universe. Aquaman and Wonder Woman are at war. Aquaman sank most of Europe, and Wonder Woman took over England, declaring it New Themyscira. They were in love, to be married or some shit, but Aquaman bailed and went to marry some other chick who Wonder Woman killed. Now Wonder Woman wears his perished wife’s helmet like a motherfucking boss. Geoff Johns performs a seamless entry into this new universe, which should in theory be very jarring, but the veteran comic book writer shows why he’s the Chief Creative Officer at DC. The Flash finds himself now immersed in a universe where he never became the Flash, his mother never died, and his father never sent to prison. He also never married that one broad. He then travels to Gotham to find his friend Bruce Wayne, but Batman isn’t Bruce! Either way, I don’t want to ruin the story. Andy Kubert provides an incredible cover, and the new basic character redesigns, from Cyborg to Batman, look good. Batman especially. The red circle in his logo makes the fanboy in me squeal. Whatever.

________________

Grade: A

     It got me interested in the series, and made me less leery of the impending universe reboot. It also influenced me to pick up Flashpoint: Green Arrow Industries (a one shot describing how in this universe, Green Arrow is a weapons manufacturer ala Stark Industries (Grade: C-) and Flashpoint: Hal Jordan (a basic intro that tells how Hal Jordan is still fucking Hal Jordan, flying jets and shit (Grade: B- for a lack of story)) and I mean that’s what a comic is supposed to do, right?

 

“Skate 3″ Game Review

July 5, 2010 in Random

Hello internet. I’m Boris, here to provide you a review on one of my favourite franchise’s new installments: skate. 3

How can you change a game about skateboarding? You can’t. Let’s get this out of the way right away. They can use gimmicks like darkslides and new difficulties, but the essence of the game, the controls of the game, the types of challenges–they do not change. Now, what does this game do correctly? As in the others, it has a baddass intro. That is one thing EA has done consistently with this game series, spend money on a great intro that truly does its job: it introduces the skaters. While not orthodox, and often a little over the top, it is humorous and starts the game off right. Now, the game starts you off in a new city, with a new idea: instead of getting out of jail, or the hospital, you’ve just wrecked yourself after some ridiculous stunt. Then Reda, the entire reason I turned off the conversation volume off, decides to start a board company. One, not that easy. Two, not practical. Beside the point.

Now, the gameplay. It is the same tried and true formula that trumped the Tony Hawk series out of existence. Use the left stick to steer, the right stick to do ollies, kickflips, tre flips, etc. It is the same as the other 2, with a new gimmick. You can now catch the board upside-down to darkslide. It’s stupid, in my opinion, but whatever. EA decided to include a new game difficulty as well, hardcore for those who have played. It states physics are more lifelike, and obviously it’s little harder. I skipped straight to this mode. What stood out right away was the pop. You no longer can ollie without crouching, you no longer can tre flip at slow speeds, and grinds are a pain in the ass. The ollies aren’t a big deal, and the flip tricks make it a little harder, but the grinds are damn annoying. I have done about 3 bluntslides without busting my ass, or landing in boardslide, and this makes challenges incredibly difficult. I don’t know what it was, but in the others, landing in grinds was a lot easier, making the game a lot more fun. It was easier to string lines and find flow.

Now, however, it is tough to line up grinds from kickers, making many of the challenges harder than they really should be. Maybe I’m just whining, but I’m a die-hard skate fan, so this kind of makes me wonder how hard it is for others. It’s okay that it makes it harder, but the fact that I can’t just freeskate and have fun without really trying is kinda saddening. Another Major part of skateboarding games, at least to me, is the music included. EA does an okay job trying to cover all genres, but they just don’t include enough. In my opinion, with the massive amount of money EA has, and with the amount of music they put in other games such as Madden, etc., you’d think they’d shell out the cash to make the music worthwhile. Music as a whole is a major thing to skateboarders, and kids that think they skateboard, so it would be a good point to observe. Oh well.

Overall, this is just another installment that could have easily been provided through a $20 map expansion, opposed to a $60 game with nothing new to truly add to the franchise. Yes, it has better graphics, yes it has ONE new gimmick, and yes it has a two new difficulty levels (easy and hard), but it has nothing warranting an entirely new game. I personally am pissed that I spent as much as I did on this game. I essentially feel like I payed for the intro movie.


As I’ve just moved in to a new house, I haven’t had a chance to play the online modes, but I hopefully will be able to comment on that soon, in another article.


REPORT CARD

Story: 48

Graphics: 83

Audio: 68

Gameplay: 86

Lasting Appeal: 60

OVERALL

73

Man On The Moon: The End Of Day by Kid Cudi

May 26, 2010 in Random

Oh lawds! Is that Boris doing a hip-hop review!? Yes. It is.

The Alternative cover is 100x cooler, just saying.

Bursting out onto the scene in 2008 with critically acclaimed mixtape A Kid Named Cudi, Kid Cudi gave us a taste of what was to come. Quickly picked up by Kanye West’s aptly named GOOD Music Label, Cudi released Man On The Moon: The End Of Day in late 2009 to the massive hype produced by the quick signing. Surprisingly, at least to me, it didn’t disappoint at all. It is laced with clever, lyrical manipulation backed by beats of epic proportion. The synth rages, coming to define quite a bit of Cudi’s songs, espcially on such tracks as “Enter Galactic” and “Cudi Zone.” While many hip-hop artists attempt to seem hard, thug, or whatever they call it now-a-days, many of the songs seem more like entries into a diary opposed to NWA style gangsta rap. On “Soundtrack to my Life,” he laments “I’ve got some issues that nobody can see, and all of these emotions are pouring out of me,” and it’s mighty refreshing to realize that everyone isn’t trying to get “cred” for shooting up fools, and intercoursing fine honeys. While he does reference sex, it is not as graphic or as vulgar as most, and even songs like “Make Her Say” (which includes parts by Common and Kanye West, quite possibly making it one of the most epic collaborations of all time) it is clever and seems how it should be, fun. He seems real, and I guess that’s what I dig the most. I’ve had this album for 13 days, and everyone of those 13,  “Soundtrack to my Life,” “Cudi Zone,” and “Make her Say” has been played at least once. I cannot herald enough praise for this record. It’s fun, it’s hip-hop, and it’s real, for the most part. While this shows a different side of hip-hop, completely contrasting the Lil’ Waynes and New Boyz that seem to be popping up on every corner.

This is talent.

Report Card

Beats: 85
Production:
96
Lyrics:
97
Vocals:
76

Overall

92

She & Him “In The Sun” Single Review

March 14, 2010 in Music, Singles RealViews

Lemme start this off by saying: Zooey Deschanel, I love you. M. Ward, I wish I could be half, just half, as cool as you.

Alright, now that we have that out of the way, it’s time to review their new single, In The Sun. I will type as I react.

Piano is nice, I like the catchy beat. Simple drums, easygoing. OMG ZOOEY! Well, it sounds like a cheap, stripped down Camera Obscura. Hmm. Okay, let’s continue. Nice parallelism in the lyrics, however they seem to be cheap rhymes and a sad attempt at teenage simplicity. Between the genius of M. Ward and Zooey, I would think the lyrics to be much more clever, to be much more upbeat. Okay, bridge. Buildup, drum fill…same thing? This is getting kind of repetitive. It sounds like the guitar is trying to break out. I feel like I’m stuck in an underdeveloped cross between the Cure and Camera Obscura now. Hmm. And it’s over.

Okay, I’m not going to say I hated the song, but there is a little more I disliked than I enjoyed. Most prominently, it seriously sounded like I was listening to a pre-string section, underdeveloped Camera Obscura demo of sorts. While that might not be bad, whenever I think of Twee, I expect to be swept away in drama in a musical tidal wave of depression with an upbeat melody and great voice. She & Him seem to have the upbeat melody and the basic, cutesy lyrics to make it happen, but I’m really just not feeling the simplicity of their sound. While a lot of people crave that folksy, diy sound, it just doesn’t sound right with this song. Don’t get me wrong, I love bands like Good Old War, Noah and the Whale, Planet Earth, and the like, but this just doesn’t do it for me.

All in all, listening to this single was like eating a stick of celery. While I don’t mind it, it doesn’t do anything for me. There is better.

REPORT CARD

Instruments: 93

Production: 84

Lyrics: 65

Vocals: 80

OVERALL

72

I love the show, but in real life…

March 10, 2010 in Random

If it’s on Jersey Shore

It’s not coming through the door.

Hate-On-It I: John Mayer

March 9, 2010 in Random

I’m Samantha and I’m a hater. It’s a terrible disease but I can’t help myself.
Everyone else has their own little things now…these Hating Sessions will be mine.

First person I’d like to Hate-On would be John Mayer.

I can’t remember who I’m quoting but I quote him a lot: “[John Mayer] looks like, sounds like and probably is a child molester.”
If you think he’s cool….you’re part of the problem.

Exhibit A:

Props to cheaperthanacupofjoe for finding this and saying:
“Now if John would have only stored the “N-Word” in his brain as “African American,” he wouldn’t have been such a racist douchebag…”
If  don’t know what he’s talking about I’ll give you some insight.
My dear friend John Mayer decided to do a Playboy interview. I guess he assumed since it was an interview in a Playboy magazine that no one would read it. What poor, poor logic. Infact, most of this Hate will come from said interview.
John decided to tell us that he has a “Nigger Pass”. He said that since he was “very” that black people loved him and he didn’t like to call it a “hood pass” so he called it a “nigger pass”. UP TOP, JOHN! For talking about how you’re a douchebag AND deciding to use the n-word.

Exhibit B:

“My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got …a f*ckin’ David Duke cock.”

Exhibit C:

I’m pretty sure everyday he gets up and watched porn before eating his breakfast. Porn is not a part of your balanced breakfast, dude.

“There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.”

-weird? yeah. Not even Chon Jon does that.
And he’d rather orgasm by himself WITH himself. This tool loves him self that much.

Exhibit D:

He knows he a douchebag. He loves that he is a douchebag. You know what, John? I don’t love that you’re a douchebag.
You’re in your 30′s…could you please get a little mature?

Exhibit E:

His dad is 82. WTF? Why is your dad so old?

Exhibit F:

He let us know that Jessica Simpson was “sexual napalm”…actually the guy parts of my brain are telling me he’s a cool guy for this HAHA.
So the real exhibit will be this awkward mess of a quote…
“ I want to show her I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m fucking you, I’m trying to fuck every man who’s ever fucked you, but in his ass”

Exhibit G:

He thinks Miley Cyrus is talented. And he told her to put $100,000 in a shoe box and to bury it in her backyard. You creeper.

Exhibit H:

He takes hating a little too far sometimes…
“ The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”

I also think it probably went on too long John.

Exhibit I forgot what letter I was on and I’m too lazy to scroll up and see….John Mayer just gets to me:

He’d “rim” Harvey Levin….

If you don’t know what rimming is, you should either ask your mother or google it.

My Grade For the Amount I Hate John Mayer on a Scale of-A for Absolutely too much hate to F for ‘Fraid the hate will turn to love any minute now is:

B
Bad case of I think he’s a total tool.

Boris The Baby Eater agrees. Although the cat has some talent when playing acoustic, he probably needs to stop being an utter douchebag. If Tiger Woods can’t even save face after being a total moron, nobody can. And he wasn’t half the douche THIS GUY was. Just saying.

Terrible Tuesday I- “Baby” Justin Beiber ft. Ludacris

March 9, 2010 in Singles RealViews, Thoughts

Terrible Tuesday:

Everything you never need to check out, because it sucks. I’m taking the hit for the team.

Alright let’s start with the facts: Justin Bieber is 16 years of age, Canadian, and has just recently released a single titled, very cleverly, “Baby,” featuring Ludacris.

This track is a recycled pop song that I swear I heard back in the 90′s.  The beat is incredibly simple, with nothing redeeming about it. At least Lil’ Wayne has decent beats to back up his bullshit. Just saying.

And Ludacris? Really? Where the fuck has that guy been? I haven’t heard anything from him since that shitty track from Fast and Furious, or whatever.

What has this world come too? The kid repeats the same fucking phrase seven goddamn times a chorus. And for the record, there are nine sections, not including Ludacris’ part. Out of those nine sections, only four include him singing/saying SHIT. THAT’S THE SAME PHRASE 35 TIMES! As soon as this kid’s balls drop, his agent is gonna kill himself. As soon as his balls drop, I’m throwing a party, because maybe we won’t be subject to this UTTER SHIT.

I really wish I could say this track had any redeeming quality, such as musicianship, clever lyrics, a sexy girl voice in the background, anything, but nothing can save it. I don’t enjoy hating on kids younger than me, but this is what is ruining the music industry. I wasn’t too worried with the Amy Winehouses and Lady Gagas of the world, because at least they were doing something interesting. This kid is attempting to revive the N*SYNC/Backstreet Boys era. We can only hope the world of 14 year old girls goes back to reading Twilight because even that is a step up from Justin Bieber.

If I could grade lower, I would. They need to create an entirely new system for this single.

REPORT CARD

Instruments: 50

Production: 50

Lyrics: 50

Vocals: 50

OVERALL

40

“Whip It!” Movie Review

March 8, 2010 in Movies

First up is Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut, Whip it! I don’t know why, but I just feel the title would be better if an exclamation point were included. It stars your average teenager, Bliss Cavendar (played by, who else? Ellen Page), who is forced by her mother to participate in beauty pageants. She hates them but does them to appease her mother. Being the quirky teenage type at heart, she goes to a head shop to get new shoes and sees an advert for a roller-derby league. Needless to say, she pushes her best friend Pash (played by the ridiculously pretty Alia Shawkat) to take her, as Bliss doesn’t have a license. They both get caught up by the glamour of bruises and broken bones, of cute indie guys and weekend parties, unto the point where Bliss tries out for the league. I’m trying to leave out some of the main plot points so you’ll see it, but it probably sounds kind of lame so far. Either way, between all this partying, of course, Bliss meets a guy, she has some drama on the rink, she fights with her parents, and how does it end? You’ll have to go see it.

Overall, the dialogue is brilliant, the storyline solid, the ladies quite attractive, and the humour accessible. There are great clothes, great sets, fairly decent cinematography, and all the actors were on point. A great soundtrack, including the likes of The Ramones and Cut Chemist, round out a ridiculously impressive directorial debut.

Grade

93

What SHOULD Win the Oscars

March 7, 2010 in Random

Hello, my name is Boris, and I’m new here.

Sorry, Macbook pics aren’t too flattering.

Since everyone is predicting winners, I’m going to do what I do best:

Slam Avatar, and speak my mind. And only on categories where I know what is going on.

Best Picture

There were too many good movies put out this year, from An Education to The Hurt Locker. I even think UP was truly worthy of being put in this category, however, only one may win. I think, personally, District 9 should take the Oscar on this one. While Inglourious Basterds is one of my favourite movies of all time, and The Hurt Locker was fucking brilliant, District 9 was original, witty, and, underneath it all, an allegory on par with Animal Farm. The way the aliens are treated are simply a mirror of how South Africa treated the thousands upon thousands in District 6. For making a brilliantly entertaining movie with real meaning, they deserve the win. District Nine should take it.

Leading Actor

If Jeremy Renner doesn’t win this, I will lose all hope in humanity. His performance as SFC James was brutally authentic, and inspiring. Period.

Supporting Actor

Christoph Waltz. End of discussion.

Cinematography

As one of the make-or-break aspects of movies, this is an incredibly important category to me. The Hurt Locker should take this, without a doubt. While I did enjoy the direction of IB, The Hurt Locker’s photography was incredible. The slow motion opening scene was possibly one of the craziest, most intense scenes I’ve seen in quite a while. In other portions of the movie, the angles accentuate the barrenness of certain scenes, or SFC James’ state of mind in other scenes, perfectly. During action, it allows easy viewing, while providing drama when essential. I could gush on for hours, but I figure you’ll get bored.

Direction

Inglourious Basterds. It’s motherfuckingQT.

And yes, That is really all I’m concerned with. While they might not be who wins, it’s who should win. Avatar has nice effects, but nice effects can’t cover a shite film. And there are my $00.02.