Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush with this title: if it weren’t for the fact I was reviewing this game, I would not have finished it. Assassin’s Creed: Revelations is the last installment in the Ezio/Altair storyline, giving us finality of the two iconic characters. Sounds incredibly promising, right? Sorry to burn down your high hopes but the latest Assassin’s Creed game is a bore.
Once again you are Ezio de Firenze Auditore, assassin extraordinare trying to find the five missing Mysyaf pieces that unlock an ancient secret that only Altair has known. This secret can help turn the tides against the Templars and, honestly, who cares because for a good chunk of the game, you will not give two shits because of how slow and sluggish the story unfolds. To its credit, it does pick some serious steam towards the last quarter of the game, but it takes entirely too long to get the convoluted plot steam cooking. A random love interest in Sofia is thrown in for Lord knows why and the only reason you’ll care about the story is because of the attachment to the characters in the previous titles. Desmond’s storyline is almost completely optional and thank God because the stupidly unnecessary redesign is a distracting sight to behold. To call the story underwhelming is an understatement and no matter how good the ending becomes, it’s almost not even worth it to sit through all the slog of boring, mundane story advancement. When the credits roll, you’ll be left with a shallow experience to reflect on.
While the story may suck Brazzers cock, the gameplay does not. The immediate improvement on the traversal aspect is the new zipline/hookblade combination. Just when you thought scaling the walls of Constantinople as Ezio couldn’t be any more easier or badass, the zipline makes for a much more quicker way to get to objectives. The controls, once adjusted to them, are tight and fluent enough but you can expect a handful of frustrating falls from buildings as pressing the “X”/”A” button can lead to you leaping off a building…from hundreds of feet in the air. The combat has gone basically unchanged, which isn’t a bad thing, but it’s a little disappointing that no new meaningful feature was added to combat. And I know that bombs and a retarded RTS component have been added, but they don’t add shit to the experience. At least the kill animations, which are largely unchanged from Brotherhood, are still disgustingly wicked. The multiplayer is still a kickass take on cat-and-mouse assassinating and while it’s substantial, it’s also not, if you get my drift. What I’m trying to say is that while it improves on Brotherhood’s multiplayer component, you’re going to return to Battlefield 3 and Modern Warfare 3.
The graphics are slightly improved and it’s most notable in the character models, particularly the facial animations. While they’re nowhere near Uncharted-levels of animation, it’s nice to see an upgrade in this department as it made the sleep-inducing exposition somewhat enjoyable to watch. The environments, while mainly looking like Italy that the previous two games were set, is still a sight to behold. You’ll spend most your time in Constantinople, easily the best looking setting Ubisoft has crafted. The stereoscopic 3D is a great addition, adding depth to the environment and realizing Ezio’s world a little more. Ultimately, the graphics remain largely unchanged with polishes here and there.
Assassin’s Creed: Revelations is a hell of a mess and while I might have slammed it a bit, I only do it because of the high standards the franchise is known for. The number one insult, easily, is the boring and increasingly convoluted plot. The gameplay is still enjoyable and should be enough to carry you through, but if you play no more than one hour, you’re not really missing out on anything — you might be better off reading a plot summary, Creed faithful.
Lasting Appeal: 58